When Abraham Met Selin

As people who grew up in a very conservative culture, my parents have a very different perspective on marriage and family than the Western outlook. Unlike many other families in America, my parents’ marriage was arranged by a broker and they knew each other only a week before getting engaged.  Their relatively short meeting and engagement period was not an uncommon phenomenon in India: many of their friends, family, and neighbors also had arranged marriages.

“He visited in India in October, our families met and liked each other, we got engaged a week after, and got married two weeks after that.”

Selin Mathai

In South India, marriage is more about the compatibility of two families rather than two individuals. My parents have very similar cultural and religious backgrounds because these were criteria they specifically looked for when searching for a partner. My mother lived in a time where many women were expected to stay home and raise children, my mom chose to pursue a career as a pharmacist and this decision thus delayed her age of marriage. My dad also married relatively later in life than many people of his generation because he was waiting on his visa to America to be approved. Thus, the delay narrowed their options for marriage.

Factors Considered for Both Parents When Searching for a Partner

• Religion (Both wanted to marry someone Catholic)
• Age (Both were relatively older than other people in the marriage pool, and wanted someone specifically in their age range)
• Occupation (Wanted someone who could provide some financial support, which was not necessarily an educational match)
• Family Compatibility (Wanted a good relationship with family members)